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What is the Space of Uncertainty in Relationships

by | Love

Jun 5, 2024

In one of our previous articles, we introduced a new idea. The Space of Uncertainty and how it impacts relationships. In this article, we do more than introductions. We explore the full concept of the space of uncertainty. We show you what it means and signs you may be in that space, and in another article, we show you what to do when you are stuck there

What is the Space of Uncertainty

The best way to put it is this: the space of uncertainty is the phase of questions. One of the chief questions is:

“Have I made a mistake?”

It is a fairly common phrase amongst many couples. Although some couples never come there. 

Most relationships usually go this way:

Interaction Phase >> Seduction Phase >> Relationship Phase >> The Space of Uncertainty. 

The space of uncertainty does not always mean a breakup. In fact, it seldom means a breakup is on the way. It appears very early on in the interaction and fades away as both couples come to understand each other more. 

Some of the reasons one enters the space of uncertainty include;

Read: What is the Seduction Phase?


Sometimes, even after agreeing to a relationship, some intense confusion exists between couples. 

This confusion makes them question the relationship and why they ever agreed to it in the first place. 

The confusion exists due to:

  • Seduction that Was Too Short: In our articles on why the seduction phase is important, we mentioned that the seduction phase can further cement relationships. If one makes the seduction phase too short, they’re likely to run into the initial regret of being in a relationship. They’re likely to enter the space of uncertainty. 
  • Trauma: trauma from past relationships can often creep into newer relationships and make things unduly difficult. Most of the people who begin to question their relationships too early on agree that trauma has a part to play. They had either been with an ex who cheated too much or had issues with trusting others. 


When one couple is being dishonest too early, this dishonesty can drive one into a phase where they start to question the relationship and what it is worth. 

Shivansh told us, “I don’t know why. But from the first time my partner lied to me, even though it was just a flimsy lie, I began to question the relationship really badly. I began to try ceaselessly to figure out what my role was in all of it.”

Luckily for him and his partner, Shivansh found his way around it. He could navigate his affection for his partner so well. Such that, the relationship grew to become even stronger. 

Some Resurfacing Ex

Sometimes, exes are the reason why a partner enters into a phase of uncertainty. 

When an exes shows up too early in a relationship, it is possible that this relationship will hit a rock and stand still until that problem is addressed. 

A Conflict of Values

The initial stage of any relationship is a phase where conflict in values will exist. 

Of course, there is bound to be some form of uncertainty. Some of which may be more pronounced than others. 


Last but not least, in the early stages of most long-distance relationships, there is going to be a space of uncertainty. This is because long-distance relationships can be very hard. They can make a person think and think, and may even make a person who has never had trust issues develop them. 

Ubong tells us, “Many people who get into long-distance relationships think about it in retrospect and may sometimes regret it.”

Read: How to Properly Execute the Seduction Phase

Signs you are in a space of uncertainty

Here are ten unmissable signs that you or your partner may be in the space of uncertainty. 

1. You want to be away from each other

There is a reason it is called a space—because that is what it is—literally. A space.

When you are in a space of uncertainty, one of you will want to be away from the other person for long periods. 

Ubong says: “Confusion is an emotion that demands us to be on our own for a while. When one is confused about their stance in a relationship, they want to be on their own just so they don’t feel guilty or something. That’s just the way it is.”

2. You are fine with being away from each other

Sometimes, you both may not actively want to be away from each other. But there will be some ease when you are away from each other. 

You don’t actively seek it. But you’re fine if it happens. 

This is usually a woman’s move. While guys will go away completely to be on their own and think their thoughts, many women will still want you around but won’t try to reach you or anything. 

This sign is usually very confusing, but you should identify it for what it is: the space of uncertainty. 

Read: 8 Signs He Wants to Marry You

3. There is an Ex

The resurfacing of an ex should always be considered a big red flag. 

The ex may not be actively trying to get your man or your woman. But he or she is always going to be a source of conflict. Their very presence is going to make your partner feel conflicted. 

You should confirm your suspicions if, for some reason, your partner just won’t let that ex go. 

If, when you bring it up, your partner makes a fuss about it. 

4. You’re far apart

Whilst I am not saying that all long distance relationships come with a space of uncertainty, there is more likely to be that space in people who are far away from each other. 

This is especially true if you both came around each other just for the purpose of establishing a relationship. 

I know a couple who are five cities away from each other currently. They linked up just to look each other in the eye and say, “Yes.”

Two days later, they returned to their cities. 

As you would expect, a period of heavy anxiety and uncertainty followed. The man would call me and say: “I don’t know if I should continue the relationship. I feel so conflicted.”

He was in a space of uncertainty. Many of us don’t realize how common these experiences are. 

5. One of you seems too good for the other person

Have you ever heard men say something like: “That woman is too hot for me?”

I have—quite a number of times even. And guess what? Should these men eventually go into relationships with these women who they perceive as way hotter than they are, they are sure to land in a space of uncertainty.

They will continually wonder if the woman actually loves them or if they are living in an alternate reality. 

Sam tells us: “To be honest, I think this is the steady state of most men who date very hot women. There is always that question. There is always that fear. It is hard.”

Did you fear your partner might have been too good for you? It is very likely you are in a space of uncertainty right now. 

Read: 10 Signs She Wants to Marry You

6. Previous sexualisation

This is such a big reason for most women. Especially women who are very hot and have been sexualized a lot in the past. 

You may think sexualization is not all that. But no. It isn’t. It is all that to women.

When a woman who has been sexualized a whole lot meets a new man who seems to want something serious with her, her first response is going to be eagerness. She will go: “Finally! Someone who does not sexualize me.”

However, as that relationship progresses, she may begin to doubt her man’s genuineness. She may begin to wonder if she really loves him or if he has been just better at hiding what he wanted. Or wants. This is a space of uncertainty. 

If you had been sexualized a lot before your present relationship, there is a big chance that you are in a space of uncertainty right now. 

7. Too obvious friend involvement

One of the rather hidden signs that you may be in a space of uncertainty is this: your friends are too involved in the relationship. 

When we are in a space of uncertainty and feel doubt about a relationship, we often talk to our friends about it. 

This makes them super involved in the relationship. They tend to take the steering and tell us what to do. If you notice that your friends take more control of your choices in the relationship, you are really in a space of uncertainty.

8. Previous distrust

If your partner has had too many reasons to distrust you too early in the relationship, or vice versa, then you might be in a space of uncertainty. 

Distrust breeds feelings of doubt. And these feelings, sadly, don’t just go away, except one puts some effort into removing them. 

The space of uncertainty is quite common. 

By QuietYearning Editors

The QuietYearning Team covers everything from relationships to lifestyle to parenting and more. Its team of experts provides in-depth analysis that helps you understand complex topics on relationships.

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