QuietYearning Logo Light

About Us

Contact Us

Sign Up

What it Means If She Says She isn’t in the Mood

by | Love and Romance

Oct 8, 2020

Wondering what she means when she says she is not in the mood? Feel like your woman is shutting you out of the bedroom? This article will help you understand why your woman may not be in the mood for sex.

A man can get an erection from just waking up from sleep to checking out a lady that is just within his reach. On the other hand, a woman is not programmed in this same manner. When it comes to sex, a man is moved by sight, but a woman is moved by touch only if she is comfortable.

You do not have to stop initiating sex out of fear of being rejected. If you want to bring back the sparks in your bedroom alive, you just have to keep making attempts. It is usually frustrating to be denied access to sexual intercourse with a woman.

This does not mean severing ties with her. It is always wise to find solutions to this problem as soon as it begins.

This is why you have to get to the nitty-gritty of understanding why she says that. Is she telling you to back off completely from her? or is she saying she needs some coaxing from you to get her in the mood for it?

Find out how to comprehend when she says she isn’t in the mood.

1. Fagged out

“Not now, sweetie, I’m so exhausted.” Being a woman is actually priceless. As she makes a lot of sacrifices that are usually taken for granted. She has to be a girl, a lady, a wife, and or a mother. With all the responsibilities she has to attend to while playing all these roles every single day.

When she has exhausted all her energy trying to meet up with each demand without getting any replenishment yet, consequently, she gets put off when you are trying to get intimate with her.

Those words become her response to you. You can help her out with one or two things on her to-do list in a situation like this. Thus, she would still have the required energy for sex. Moreover, you can plan a romantic weekend getaway with her.

2. Medications

It has been indicated from findings that women treating high blood pressure, depression, or anxiety disorder do not just have psychological abstinence from sex but also fail to reach orgasm.

More importantly, drugs usually alter the normal way a body is supposed to function, consequently fluctuating the patients’ libido. 

Some medications like antidepressants, corticosteroids, or even contraceptives manage hormones like serotonin, epinephrine, and dopamine. Therefore, resulting in the suppression of her sex drive.

A woman usually takes contraceptives to eliminate the fear of pregnancy during sex. What an irony that it usually reduces the level of estradiol in

reproductive women that is supposed to make them horny in her cycle. As they tend to dry up the vagina. Therefore, it reduces the urge a woman is naturally supposed to have for sex. Hence, your woman says she’s not in the mood.

4. Hormones

To begin with, for sexual satisfaction to be achieved with your partner. Her testosterone and estrogen levels must be in the appropriate ratio in her body to get an augmented sex drive. These play a major role in the sexual appetite of a woman.

Even when she is not taking contraceptives. When we subtract this from the equation, we are left with her hormones. Sex is a basic physiological need.

Definitely, we will always have the urge and need to do it. However, the kind of food she eats and her endocrine disruption changes her sex drive automatically.

One good hormone for female sex drive is testosterone. The dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA) boosts the production of testosterone in women. It also aids her infertility. 

A study revealed that women placed on DHEA supplements had an improved sex life. That is to say, a low level of testosterone in a woman can diminish her libido and sex drive.

5. Independent and career woman

The moment a woman realizes she has everything going for her. She cares less about sex. Normally, when a man makes more money, he thinks of adding more women to his life. But a woman shrugs, thinking, ” what the heck..do I need a man for?”.

Moreso, with the way some feminists, are going about with their equality with men around the globe.

These women usually have overblown egos that they can do better than having a man in their life. On the priority list of independent and career women, their scale of preference for sex is a huge, fat zero.

10 Natural Ways To Boost Your Libido

6. Poor self-image

Check out if she has added weight or something. Most women face a lot of low self-esteem issues. Since adverts are popping everywhere on how a woman should look sexy, she might be thinking she lost her sex appeal already.

Especially after birthing a child, she may have stretch marks, protruding belly, and the most annoying of all is drooping breasts.

All these are enough to find sex daunting for her since she has to get undressed for you. A good way to fix this is to put off the light to make her going nude comfortable to her with good music playing in the background.

Moreover, you can give her genuine compliments of things you still find attractive in her. This would make her agreeable to your desires.

7. Sex hurts

A woman that experiences intense pain during penetration would always decline your request to do it again. Notwithstanding, she might have the urge for intimacy.

According to obstetrics and gynecologist, up to 75% of women face painful intercourse at a certain point in their lives.

So it might be because of these common significant life changes; recently had a baby, menopausal/ post-menopausal stage, or has an infection like thrush or STIs. You can increase her sexual arousal with increased foreplay, sexual lubricant, estrogen creams. 

Better still visit a sexual health clinic for assistance. Although it could be humiliating for her to express her concerns before a specialist.

Help her understand that it would be best to see a specialist who can help fix the problem instead of suffering in silence. There are some cases of younger women experiencing painful sex too.

8. Certain lifestyles

An unhealthy lifestyle is one factor to look out for when your woman tells you she is not in the mood. This sexual dysfunction is notorious among women that excessively consume alcohol or smoke marijuana. These lifestyles may promote low sex moods a lot.

Surprisingly, some workouts a woman engages in can affect her sexually like bicycling tends to exert force on the pedal nerve and artery. 

Furthermore, the kind of food substances she consumes can also contribute to it. It is not a newsflash that could diminish her libido. Such foods include soybeans, coffee, licorice, flax seeds, mint, etc. Consequently, this leads to a reduction in hitting her g-spot.

9. Bad performance in bed

This is one of the things you would not like to hear from a woman you are into. It is emasculating. Rather than telling you this directly, she says it more mildly not to hurt your feelings. If this is why she does not want to get laid, you have to hone out your bedroom skills.

Having sex in the same way regularly is usually one way to bring boredom to your relationship. It is not ideal for you to be changing sex partners frequently. However, try sex in a different style, location, and time.

For instance, you can try having a quickie with her in the car. This will blow her mind. She will ask you for more.

Another way to do this is for you to let her understand the body dynamics of her body perfectly. What you need is for you to explore her body part with zest using an amorous hand. This way, you get to be on the radar of what turns her on. 

Furthermore, you have to know if she orgasms during sexual intercourse with you. Otherwise, she may just think of you as being selfish since she is not satisfied sexually.

You should learn to help your partner to indulge in sex with you. You can build up pleasure in her through kissing and romancing.

Also, you can employ positions during coital penetration that reinforce clitoral stimulation like reverse cowgirl or magic mountain. 

Nevertheless, she may still have a low libido because of emotional insecurity, a history of past sexual abuse, and the anxiety to orgasm. These can have an impact on her sex life significantly. To fix this, sex therapy is required.


Libido varies from one female to another. It can change due to aging, stress, and other reasons as well. If your woman says she’s is not in the mood, it is usually a sign of some things that need to be addressed.

The moment you have an in-depth understanding of what sex, pleasure, and intimacy entails to your woman, you will be able to reach a compromise that is satisfactory for you both. 

In addition, the process of negotiating your desires and boundaries could even strengthen the intimate connection you have.

Stay tuned!

By Rachael Ukpebor

Rachael Ukpebor is an Editorial Assistant for Whatsdalatest. She graduated with honours from the University of Benin with a degree in Sociology and Anthropology. She covers beauty, relationship, and lifestyle topics at WDS, everything from best skincare and makeup hacks, to relationships. Her favourite music is Lovin' You by Minnie Riperton.

Read Next

Get our relationship newsletter

Join our mailing list to receive the latest relationship updates from our team.

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Pin It on Pinterest