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15 Signs Your Boyfriend is Gay

by | Meeting People, Moving On

Oct 29, 2022

Gay or bisexual men sometimes get into relationships with heterosexual women. This may happen for a number of reasons, one of which might be that they might just be trying to ‘test’ their own sexuality. Am I really gay, or is it in my head? A relationship like this can prove to be quite difficult for both the gay man and the straight woman. Confusing too. Do you think you may have gotten into a relationship with a gay man or bisexual man? Check out these 15 signs your boyfriend is gay.

1. You Feel So, Strongly

This doesn’t mean your suspicions are right. They might not be. But the fact that your boyfriend is gay crosses your mind; it is a big sign that he might be gay. 

You see, our subconscious often picks on those subtle clues we wave aside, brooding and brooding over those until an alarm begins to resound in our stomachs. 

This alarm is what we call a gut feeling: a general sensation that something just isn’t right. I advise people to trust their gut, especially when this gut feeling is not a response to fear or anxiety. 

Gut feelings are usually false when we are responding to past trauma. For example, a woman who has dated a gay man before may have a constant feeling that every other man she dates is gay as well. 

2. He is Quite Feminine

We now know that gender is a construct, and a male may express gender in a way less feminine than most of his peers. 

Gender expression is what often points to our sexuality. So, if your boyfriend acts feminine, he might be expressing his inert gayness. 

However, this isn’t always true, as many feminine men are straight. But there is a big chance that if your gut says his feminity is a bit problematic, he might be gay and not the perfect match for you. 

Read: 10 Secrets Men Never Want to Reveal

3. He Swipes Right to Even Men on Tinder

Anyone who has found themselves in a relationship with a gay man is going to agree that gay men are usually never satisfied with their straight partners. 

They may have sex and do all other stuff, but that satisfaction will be lacking. So, they will usually be on dating sites and will swipe right on other men.

It is a big red flag to find the man you are currently seeing on Tinder anyway. If he swipes right on men? He just might be gay. 

4. He Saves Male Contacts with Cheesy Emojis

This is where a lot of women catch in on what is really happening. So, one of the ‘boys’ calls your boyfriend. He answers the phone, and they both laugh about some random stuff. But when he drops the call, you see floating behind his screen a man’s name with some cheesy emojis. 

This is a bigger sign if the number saved ‘cheesily’ has been a regular caller if he is able to change your boyfriend’s mood. He might tell you that he is just one of the boys.

5. There is No Pleasure in The Sex

Some gay men are great explorers. As I mentioned in the introduction, they often get into relationships with straight women just to find out if they are truly gay. 

They usually will not mind getting sexual, and often. But the truth is, there might be no pleasure. 

He will have a hard time getting erect, and you, too, if observant, will sense that something is wrong. 

In the movie House of The Dragons, Rheneyra Targerean had this to say about her relationship with her gay husband: “We tried. But there was no pleasure in it.”

Read: 10 Things Every Woman Wishes She Knew

6. He Chooses to Become ‘Celibate.’

So, your lovely boyfriend comes up to you and says he would love to be celibate. Everything had been going well (or at least you thought so), and now, he is choosing to be celibate. He had previously shown no signs of sexual exhaustion.

This might be a strong indication, maybe even the strongest, that he is gay. He may not really want to be celibate, you see. But one thing is for sure: if he is gay, that may be his way of telling you that he just wants the sex between you both to stop. 

Gay men in straight relationships often carry around a lot of toxic shame whenever they have sex with straight women. 

7. He Took Too Long to Initiate the First Sex

Think about the first time you had sex with your lover. Who initiated it? Did he resist the affair quite a lot? Did it have to happen under the influence of alcohol?

If your answer is yes to all these questions, then it is likely you might just be dating a gay man. You can usually tell a straight man from one who isn’t straight by observing how the sex is initiated. 

8. During Sex, He Enters Feminine Roles

Sexual activity can tell a lot about our gender expression. How will you describe sexual activity between you and your man? 

You may be dating a gay man if he insists on being feminine with you—If he insists that you rim him or stick a finger into his butt. (Please note that straight men may also request this.

Gay men may try to avoid vaginal penetration, so they might also insist on just settling with foreplay. 

Read: 10 Lies Guys Tell Their Girlfriend

9. He Suggests a Threesome

Some gay men are bold enough to tell their women what they want sexually, and this is usually what tips these women off. 

If your boyfriend suggests a threesome (an MMF) threesome, it might mean one of three things: 

  • He loves watching other men have their way with you
  • He just wants to explore 
  • He is gay and wants the sexual company of another man

What is it for you and your man? Well, I can’t say. But you can. How often does he suggest a threesome? If often and compulsively, something is wrong. 

Does he insist that he will bring his own ‘guy’? Yes? That is a big red flag there. 

10. His Google and YouTube Search Histories are Suspicious

Since many gay men do not like the idea of pretending to be straight, their browser histories usually tell of how hard they are trying to get out of the closet. 

Typically, you may find searches like these:

  • How to get out of the closet
  • How to tell someone I love that I am gay
  • Am I gay or bisexual? 

Notice how personalized these searches are? 

11. You Find A Sex Toy in Him

Yes, one he doesn’t use when you both have sex. Let’s say you are cleaning your room and stumble on your man’s purse. Suspicion now at an all-time high, you pick it up and begin to look through it, then, boom, there is an anal plug lying in there. 

Well, this has happened more often than you think. 

Laurel, who once dated a gay man (it turns out he is her best friend now), told us: “I saw the anal plugs in his bag, and at once, I knew he was gay.”

Read: 10 Reasons Why Men Love Breasts

12. He Sees Gay Movies

Your boyfriend might be gay, really, if you have found him watching gay porn on a number of occasions. He has them saved on his phone? Then he may be gay. 

Since gay men in straight relationships feel as though their own sexuality is suppressed, they often turn to something less real than what they have: porn. 

For men, porn tells a lot about sexuality. Out of curiosity, straight men may watch gay porn once or twice. But it certainly will not be a habit. But gay men may be addicted to erotic gay movies.

13. He Masturbates After You Both Have Sex, and To Gay Porn 

Pornography and masturbation often go hand in hand. This is because masturbation demands a lot of brain activity if a climax has to be reached. Erotic movies put these arousing thoughts into the head while the hand does its thing. 

If your boyfriend only wants to see erotic gay movies when he masturbates, then he just might be gay. In fact, the chances are so high that it is now almost impossible that he is not gay. 

If you have found your boyfriend masturbating to gay movies before, that is a big red flag waving in your face. 

14. His Social Media is Littered With LGBTQ Activism

For many women, this is usually the first red flag. While straight men may be involved in LGBTQ activism, gay men usually feel more genuine and sincere about it, as their activism comes from a place of personal experience. 

What is your boyfriend’s social media like? A bit too LGBTQ-conscious? That, my friend, is a red flag you may want to pay attention to. 

15. There are Rumors

In addition to feeling it in your gut, there are rumors from friends and family. 

These rumors may be considered true if you also see more than 6 of the signs written here. 


Sometimes, gay men enter straight relationships. If you do find that your boyfriend is gay, realize it’s not your fault, and do not try to force your relationship on him. Move on and heal. 

By Martin Corden

Martin Corden is a certified relationship expert and a songwriter from Australia. He loves researching and writing. Martin loves finding new ways to improve and inspires others to be their best version and work together towards it. Martin has a wide range of intellectual and artistic interests.

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