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10 signs you are getting it wrong with her

by | Meeting People, Moving On

Mar 31, 2024

The good thing about being with a woman is that you will almost always be left hints. When you get it right, there’ll be hints to encourage you to keep going. And when you get it wrong, there’ll be hints as well. In this article, we will be exploring the signs that you are getting it wrong with a woman and how to get it right.

1. It is unduly hard

If things are ever too hard with a woman, it can mean one of two things:

She is playing hard to get. 

She is not that into you. 

And even with the first, you must realize that women do not play hard to get with men they are very attracted to. It is almost always solely with men they are keeping as extra eggs in a box. 

No matter what you think and how you try to defend it, women make things easy for men they love. 

This even has a biological application. 

We like to think that during fertilization, a man’s sperm runs ceaselessly towards the egg, unaided. But this is not so true. 

The woman’s system helps the sperm locate her. The fimbriae around her ovaries make some movements that causes a current to sweep the sperm towards the egg ready to be fertilized.

If a woman wants you, she is going to help you get to her.

If she does not, she is going to make things so unduly difficult and hard. I know this because I have seen it too many times. 

The best thing you can do at this point is to stop trying. Sometimes, stopping is the only thing that works. I call this the attraction paradox. When the only thing that works is the only thing that could have failed. 

Read: How to know she is losing interest and what to do

2. She resents your touch

If you have had at least two dates with her and she continues to resent your touch, then you know you are doing something wrong. 

Touch runs on the same plane as attraction. The extent to which she is attracted to you is the extent to which she touches you or allows you to touch her.

If you are not touching her just yet, or she is resisting your touch, then the attraction size may be too small for the age of that relationship. 

The best thing you can do is take a step back and allow for a build-up of attraction. As the attraction grows, you will come to see how the relationship starts to take a stance you had wished for. 

3. She ignores you for a while (for too long)

Sometimes, women will ignore even men they like as a means to test these men. This is a test of masculinity, and quite ironically, it is one of the earliest signs of interest. Just the way you will only test clothes you have an interest in getting when you visit a clothes store. 

Ignoring you, as mentioned here, is not the kind that happens when a woman is ignoring you. I am referring to actually being ignored.

No warnings. No calls or wanting you to text back. Just plain ignoring you. No interest. 

This is a big flag—red—in your face. It shows that you have blown too many chances, and now, she wants little to nothing to do with you. 

The best thing you can do at this point is to leave her alone. 

That space is going to work on her mind, forcing her to forget your blown chances. And deep there, in her heart, she is going to find an unwelcome reality: that she misses you. 

This is when things start to get better. 

4. She is talking to other men

One of the many questions I have had to answer over the course of my work as a relationship therapist is: “When do women start to show loyalty?”

You want to know that actual answer? Immediately, they find that they are interested in you. 

A woman’s loyalty comes as a sign rather than a result. This is not the same case with men and so it confuses a lot of men. 

A woman’s loyalty is a sign that you are getting things right and leading her in the way she wants to be led. 

It comes when she realizes she likes you and wants you before someone else gets you. 

It is also a way of letting you know she is a great choice. 

If she is not loyal to you and is talking to other men even after up to three dates, then you know she is likely not trying to be your woman. 

She is saying: “Hey, I am exploring my other options. You should explore yours, too, as I don’t want to hold you still.”

The thing you have gotten wrong here is that you have not made your intentions clear long enough. 

It does not have to be a verbal show of interest. It can be anything. Use humor to your advantage. You have the advantage of humour.

This is something women fall for! 

Read: Signs she is done with you

5. She Keeps you at arm’s length

If she keeps you at arm’s length in a way that suggests: “I don’t want you to go away, but I do not want you to come too close either,” then you know you have arrived at the friend zone. 

There is little to no hope that you will ever get out of this zone. 

Your arrival at the friend zone means you missed it at the seduction phase

Missing it at the seduction phase suggests that you went too hard or too soft, too slow or too fast. 

With many women, you have a very small margin of error when it comes to matters of seduction. 


Your getting it wrong is always going to produce signs. 

By Ubong

Ubong Johnson is a medic, writer, and editor whose writings explore the complexities of human interactions. He has been published on The Healing Muse, a journal by Upstate Medical University, Blood and Thunder, a journal from Oklahoma University Medical College, and other journals of humanities. Ubong lives in Lagos and is currently undergoing training as a behavioral psychologist.

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