QuietYearning Logo Light

About Us

Contact Us

Sign Up

3 signs she isn’t feeling you that much

by | Love

Mar 31, 2024

She likes you but not that much. She wants you, but not that much. How do you know? What do you do? In this article, we will be showing you signs that she is not feeling you so much by answering some of the most popular questions sitting in our mailbox:

“I feel like she is not that into me. Sometimes she is into me and sometimes she is not. It makes it so hard to move on and go after what I want.”

– Ijomi.

Sign One: Mixed Signals

Mixed signals are a very strong indicator that she is not feeling you that much.

Women are great at showing you exactly what they feel except:

They are not sure of what they are feeling:

Yes, even a woman can be unsure of what she feels. This is rare, but it happens. It has happened to a client of mine a number of times. 

It happens because the woman is confused or in regret about her choice to be with you or around you. 

They are scared:

If she is scared of hurting you, she will not tell you exactly what she feels. She will continue to give you mixed signals until you tire out and let things go.

The best thing you can do when a woman is giving you mixed signals is confront her about her. Ask directly. Don’t try to buffer anything. Unlike men, women often lose it in the face of direct confrontation; this is why they tend to “run” away from their own feelings. 

It is also why men like to assume women do not have any form of accountability. 

Accountability involves confronting your own beliefs, thoughts, and actions, and making peace with them. Women don’t do this often. 

Ask her directly: “Do you like me? I want to know. I don’t want to keep being around, hanging in here for something I am unsure of.”

My bet is that she will try to turn things around and avoid the question. Do not, and I repeat: do not let this happen. 

Hold onto your question until she provides an answer. 

“It felt like being in a cage. She loved me only when I made an effort to leave. When things were smooth, and it seemed like I was very stable and there for her, she took me for granted.”

– Halim

Read: Indicators you are getting it wrong with her

Signs Two: The Good Signals Come when You Threaten to Leave

By now, you should be able to tell the kind of person Halima was dealing with. He was dealing with a familiar kind of toxicity. It is a kind I see very often. 

If she is not into you until you pull away, then she is not so into you. She is only using you as a pawn, and my guess is that you fill one or more of these four roles:

The provider:

She is often going to keep you from leaving if you do a good job of being her provider. She will pretend to be broken by your desire to leave and will blackmail you however she can. 

She may even go as far as bringing in friends to lie on her behalf. 

But the truth remains that she is not feeling you that much. She is only feeling what you do for her. 

The sex object:

It’ll surprise you to know that even women hold on to guys who give them great sex. 

If she enjoys having sex with you so much, she is not going to let you leave. At least without a fight and a lot of blackmail. 

She will promise you a relationship that should last a lifetime after she is “sure” she wants you: she will demand that you wait until she gets that moment of sureness. 

All lies.  

You had better take yourself out of there before things get uncontrollable. 

The esteem builder:

Maybe, just maybe, you are the guy who builds her self-esteem. 

If this is true, she will not let you go without a fight, even when she keeps giving you mixed signals. 

The sad thing about this is that you will never know you are this guy until the relationship has come to its end and you get into that moment of self realization. 

“Oh, I had been the one to build her esteem all along?”

The object of lust:

She does not like you that much. But she likes that you have made her the object of your lust. She also is fine with you being the object of her lust. 

She may or may not have sex with you. 

But she will not let you leave. You can count on this. The mind games will take such a wild turn when you even make the slightest move suggestive of your desire to go. 

“Sometimes, I felt like I was drowning. Like there was something I needed. Water. And I never got it. She also did not care.”

– Shaw.

Read: Indicators she is losing interest and what to do

Sign Three: It is Always About Her

If it is always about her, then you should know she is just using you and is not that into you. 

A woman who is into you is going to care. She is going to give a shit about what you feel and what you do. 

She is not going to be just about herself. 

The momemt you find out that she only thinks about herself, then you should begin to consider leaving.

Bear in mind that she is going to want to keep you in her grasp by playing mind games.

The best thing to do is ignore the games. 

You do not play mind games with women. You will almost always lose. 

You will lose so much that you keep arriving at the starting point. Don’t play. Just call her bullshit and be on your way. 


A woman is going to give you a lot of signs when she is not feeling you that much. It is left to you to let go and go after someone who actually wants you. 

By Martin Corden

Martin Corden is a certified relationship expert and a songwriter from Australia. He loves researching and writing. Martin loves finding new ways to improve and inspires others to be their best version and work together towards it. Martin has a wide range of intellectual and artistic interests.

Read Next

How to make a girl jealous
How to make a girl jealous

Jealousy has always been one of the best tricks to revive attraction, and hold this attraction so high your partner thinks of nothing else but you and the relationship you both share together. Sounds easy, but it actually isn't so easy. A lot of people miss it with...

How to fix a sexually bored man
How to fix a sexually bored man

Yes, even men can be bored of sex. It happens far more often than we imagine, and many women are quick to dismiss signs of boredom from a man as him being far from them or as him seeking a reason to cheat. This is not the case a lot of the time. Men get sexually bored...

What to do when he begins to lose interest
What to do when he begins to lose interest

Interest wanes every now and then in most relationships, even healthy ones. This is because interest is fickle. It comes and it goes and depends a lot on the conditions at that moment. I'll explain this later on in this article as I go on to show you what to do when...

How to Lead a Woman
How to Lead a Woman

Women love to be led. This is something men don't understand fully. What many women hate and kick against is being subdued and defeated or controlled. While a controlling man will almost always miss it with women, a man who can lead will be such a great source of...

6 Subtle Signs That a Girl is Stalking You
6 Subtle Signs That a Girl is Stalking You

Do women stalk, too? The answer is yes. And I have reason to believe women stalk far more than men and better. Once, a woman told me that she goes into detective mode when she is stalking her guy. She said she could figure out half of the things he was hiding in just...

Subscribe to our newsletter

Thanks for subscribing!

Pin It on Pinterest