The thought of having a new sexual partner after a breakup can make both men and women very anxious. While it is normal to feel anxiety about the unknown, too much of it can ruin the sexual experience for us in the short- and long-term, holding us back from moving on. In this article, we try to show you 10 things you must know before having sex with someone new after a breakup.
1. Sexual desire is normal, even after a breakup
A breakup doesn’t magically take away your desire to have sex. It is true. All that grief can, of course, repress or heighten your urges.
Do not think this makes you a horrible person. Do not look at yourself as “loose” or “selfish.” Look at yourself as normal, instead.
You, like over 87% of people in the first month of a breakup, want to experience sex again—and that is fine. No questions asked, and definitely no explanations should be given.
2. Rebound sex might or might not be a good idea
Why are you thinking about having sex again?
If your plan is to use sex as a tool to get over your ex, you might or might not be on the wrong course.
An old 2014 study showed that many college students who had rebound sex experienced some mental relief.
However, a lot of them eventually went on to have sex with more than one or two people.
This suggests, although indirectly, that rebound sex may increase the likelihood of promiscuity in some people.
It helps to heal properly before exploring sex again.
3. You may have a latent STI
If you have just exited a committed relationship with someone with whom you seldom used any protection, you must be open to the possibility that you might have a hidden STI.
Don’t initiate sex with anyone until you have gone through a series of tests.
Set up an appointment with your doctor, and he would arrange some tests.
If your results show that you have an STI, treat it and wait for a week or two before having sex with someone new.
4. It might not be the same
Sometimes, sex with someone new is great, and other times it isn’t. But one thing is for sure: it will not be the same as sex with your ex.
Everyone offers a unique sexual experience, and that’s fine. You could have sex with ten people, and they would all feel different.
Accept this before you go ahead. An open mind is oftentimes much better than open legs atop a bed.
5. During the sex, you may feel emotionally confused
Most times when people have sex with someone new after a breakup, they experience a number of feelings ranging from guilt to anger and maybe even fear.
In a small poll by QuietYearning editors, 8% of participants reported feeling angry and in a hurry to leave, 42% reported feeling deeply sad, and 50% could not place a finger on what they felt.
You are likely going to feel a lot of things. And this is fine.
6. You might think about your ex
Even during sex with someone new, you might think about your ex.
A study showed that up to 40% of Americans think of someone else during sex with a partner.
Although there may be some moral antagonism about this, you should do what makes you feel good.
Just make sure you do not hurt the new partner’s feelings.
7. It is slippery ground after the sex
After sex with someone new, people respond in a variety of ways. Some people want to be with the new partner some more. And yet some others don’t even want to be near that partner.
Billie says, “I didn’t want to see him again. The whole thing made me feel dirty, and I regretted it so much I would cry all night.”
A direct contrast to Jumoke, who said, “I knew this new partner loved me by how he touched me. Deep down, I knew I wanted to be with him. I wanted him.”
Keep in mind that you can be any of these two women. And be ready to deal with it, too.
8. The new partner can respond in a number of way
Basically, you might be ghosted, or you might be kept in the loop.
I have seen both of these happen quite a number of times.
The chances of you being ghosted increase if this new someone had been pretending to help you fill a void.
Among the group most love bombed are women and men dealing with a breakup.
People would say anything to these people for a chance to have sex.
Jessie says, “She told me everything I needed to hear. And when it was done, I never heard from her again.”
9. Your ex is unlikely to forgive you if someone new had entered the picture
If you still want your ex back, deep down, it is best to hold off sex, as most exes are unlikely to take you back once they find out that you have been with someone else.
You might say, “But they’d never find out.”
True. But what if they ask? Do you intend to lie to them about your link up until the end of time?
What’s better: lying or just saying no?
10. You might feel powerful
Yes, it is true. Sex can be one big act of defiance. You might feel powerful and get that one boost you needed to move on completely.
However, this “boost” should not take away your healing power. Heal. Go through the process of mourning that breakup.
Summary
Most people would want to explore sex again during the first month of a breakup. It helps to keep an open mind, as rebound sex can go right or wrong.
