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How to Successfully Pass the Interaction Phase

by | Meeting People, Moving On

Jun 10, 2024

Getting out of the interaction phase and into the seduction phase is fairly easy. Go at a healthy pace, and you’ll be fine. If you’re going to get past the interaction phase and make it to the seduction phase with ease, you have to do all of these.

1. Don’t blow the primary contact

Many men blow the primary contact and lose all their chances before the phase even progresses. Don’t be one of these men. Be the one that stands out. 

This means: be confident, be safe, be masculine. 

Confidence does not mean arrogance. It means a belief in your personality and your strengths. Show a woman your personality by interacting with her in an appealing and fun way without even reaching out to her first. 

It can be mouthing something to her. This works. I used to do this a lot when I tried to pick up girls in college. It worked a lot of the time. The girl will point a finger to her chest and mouth the question: “Me?” All the while looking behind her, trying to find out if I was referring to her.

Or it can be suggesting that she throws her hair back by just arm movements. Whatever it is, be sure to be confident. 

Also, don’t be a creep. Don’t make her feel like you’re just some weird guy watching her from a corner of the room. 

“If I feel like a guy may be some weird guy watching me from the corner of the room, I am going to get up and leave,” Fajoe says. “It has happened one too many times. And I can almost always see the confusion on the guy’s face, as though he didn’t just creep me out.”

Being masculine is being “in charge”. There’s a very small difference between being in charge and being in control. You’re not really in control of your first interaction with a woman. But you are in charge. You decide where it ends and where it begins. You just don’t control where it goes. 

Be masculine. Some of the most feminine things you can do during the primary interaction include:

Shyly Taking Your Eyes Away

Seriously, don’t do that. It just makes you appear like a woman and shows the woman that you’re better off as a friend so that you have landed in the friend zone without even having the chance to interact with that woman. 

Ask ten guys who kept looking at a girl and taking their eyes off shyly how it went. At least seven of these guys will admit that they had been friend-zoned. 


Quick question: what are you blushing about? You shouldn’t be blushing, man. You’re a man. Don’t blush. That is only going to get you friend zoned. I don’t know many guys who blushed before a woman they hadn’t spoken to, yet that didn’t end up as just friends. Not only do they become friends, they become besties. Do you want to be her bestie and spend the rest of your interaction with her pretending not to want anything serious whilst desire eats you from the inside out? Then, by all means, please blush. 


Not only does pacing back and forth seem feminine to women, but it also feels very creepy. Don’t do it. Seriously. Don’t. You’re going to make her want to be as far away from you as possible. This is something I see a lot of guys do, and quite frankly, I almost always want to tell them: “You’re doing it wrong, man.”

It is much better to not approach her at all than pace back and forth. You’re going to be given a big no at best, and a “leave me alone” if you’re lucky. 

Read: What is the Interaction Phase?

2. Secondary contact must bang

Your secondary contact with her, which is typically, the initiation phase, should bang. She should be able to feel safe and relaxed around you, such that your chances of progressing into the seduction phase. 

To make your secondary contact stand out, you have to:

Be neat and smell nice

You really don’t have a choice. Your scent should stand out. Women agree that they feel safer around men who are neat and smell nice. If your beard is untrimmed, you may want to do some work on it. 

Get yourself the best cologne out there. 

Read: How to Smell Good

Be polite from the first word

You just have to be polite from the first word. You owe it to her. You don’t just walk over to her and sit. No. You have to greet her first. If possible, tell her your name and why you’re here. It may sound cliche, but it works. Works even better if you are able to sneak in a comfortable compliment. 

You can say something along the lines of: “Hi, my name is Johnson, and I’ve been watching you from over there. You look really calm and cute. Is it fine if I take a seat beside you? I’d like a conversation.”

If she says yes, then you sit beside her and have that conversation. Make sure it is one that isn’t creepy. 

3. Make her feel relaxed

Seriously, you need to make her feel relaxed. Try. As much as you can. The more relaxed she feels, the better your chances of making it to the seduction phase. 

Here is how to make her feel relaxed:

Make her an active participant in the conversation

Don’t just be the one talking. Make it such that she, too, is an active part of the conversation. You can do this by asking questions along the line of her best interest. Ask how her day is going. Watch her. Listen to the tone with which she tells you the little details of her day. 

Pay attention to the things she seems most eager to talk about. 

Ask her questions along those lines. For example, if you notice that her face brightens up when she tells you about a book she read, then you should ask her about that book. I can assure you that her answers are going to be very favorable. 

Don’t pry too early

You have just met her. That means you shouldn’t pry. Be careful to only ask her questions she will be comfortable to answer. Seriously, I don’t think you have the right to ask her about her family or work or relationship just yet. Let her be the one to ease into the interaction with you. 

Remember that you are a gate at this point. You are not pulling her into yourself with force. You are only inviting her to come be a part of your life. 

Show some vulnerability

Of course. It is always a good idea to show some vulnerability. Show her that you are real and that you have emotions. This means that you must speak passionately about the things that mean a lot to you.

For example, if she asks you about your favorite hobby, don’t be bland about your response. Be very careful and expressive about it. Try to be detailed, too. Women like it when a man is very detailed and careful about his responses. It gives them a clue about the sort of man you are. 

“If he is so passionate about something, it means he may be very passionate about me as well.”

Some storytelling is always a good idea

You should try your hand at some storytelling. Women agree that guys who are great at telling stories stand out to them.

“That ability to tell stories,” Mennie says: “Makes me very relaxed. I just sit there, looking at his face because I have suddenly become pulled into his world.”

Men who tell stories push interactions far enough and may pass the interaction phase too easily. I don’t know many good storytellers who didn’t pass the interaction phase with ease.


Humor is great for initial interactions. You will want to be around someone who makes you laugh. It is the same thing with women. Play around with sarcasm and other witty, humorous devices. Make her laugh and compliment her. 

4. Introduce flirting after the second contact

When you speak to her for the first time, make her feel safe. When you speak to her for the second time, make her trust you. It is this trust that allows you safe passage out of the interaction phase and brings you into the pre seduction phase. 

During the third interaction, it may be time to bring in some flirting. 

Don’t flirt too hard too early. Give it some time. Flirt slowly and then take it up from there. Start with flirting with compliments. We have an article up to help you through flirting with compliments.

5. Ease into the seduction phase

Easing into the seduction phase is just going to depend on your attention to detail. 

You should listen to your gut and know when to keep pushing barriers back. 

By Ubong

Ubong Johnson is a medic, writer, and editor whose writings explore the complexities of human interactions. He has been published on The Healing Muse, a journal by Upstate Medical University, Blood and Thunder, a journal from Oklahoma University Medical College, and other journals of humanities. Ubong lives in Lagos and is currently undergoing training as a behavioral psychologist.

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