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Is She the Right Person for me?

by | Love and Romance

Jan 17, 2022

Relationship help: Is she the right person for me?

Why It Matters?

Someone who is right for you will make your life feel great, but someone who isn’t can make you sad.

What Would You Do

Imagine this scenario: Dave meets Joyce in a small restaurant downtown. He loves her blue eyes, her smile, and so he offers to get her a drink and some food. 

She agrees, blushing, and so they both sit to eat. Over the food, they talk about each other and soon become friends.

Dave loves that Joyce shares a lot of his interests. Literature and music, for example. 

A month after they first met, he takes her to a music fest. While the show is going on, he can’t help but think about her.

He is considering a relationship with her but does not know if she is the right person for him. 

If you were Dave, what would you do?

Be Clear About What You Want?

When we meet someone amazing, someone who makes us feel a spark, we sometimes fall into the trap of losing sight of what we really need from a partner before entering a relationship with them. 

Don’t fall for this. 

We all have different needs. Some people need a partner who is outgoing and sociable. Others prefer one who is quiet and introverted. Some people want their partner to be tall and plumpy; others prefer one who is thin and a bit short. 

Be clear about what you want, even to the littlest detail. You aren’t being creepy; you’re only being a cautious person. 

Consider, also, what you want from a relationship. Be clear about the kind of relationship you want to have. A committed one? An open one? Be clear about it.


Now that you have made it clear what you want, you should observe her. 

Does she fit you?

Do not fall into the trap of ignoring red flags. Don’t settle for what might bring you problems in the future. 

When people ignore red flags, for whatever reason, they are only settling. Don’t settle, except it’s very necessary to. 

Observe how she interacts with others. Does she do so in a respectful manner? Does she raise her voice at you or put up attitudes that make you uncomfortable?

If, after you’ve observed her, she doesn’t meet your standards, at least the ones you hold dearly, then she may not likely be the one for you.

Ask Her What She Thinks

You may be enthusiastic about a relationship or marriage, whereas she is not. 

Communicate. Ask her what she thinks about you both. Do so politely. 

Say something that sounds like: “Hi, do you think we could be together?”

Ask her about her long and short-term goals. Do they match yours? 

If they do, then she might just be the right one for you. 

Action Plan

What do I really want? Is she the kind of person I would want to spend many hours a day around? Does she like me too o share my beliefs?

Photo by Khamkéo Vilaysing on Unsplash

By Ubong

Ubong Johnson is a medic, writer, and editor whose writings explore the complexities of human interactions. He has been published on The Healing Muse, a journal by Upstate Medical University, Blood and Thunder, a journal from Oklahoma University Medical College, and other journals of humanities. Ubong lives in Lagos and is currently undergoing training as a behavioral psychologist.

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