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How to Tell a Guy is Playing You

by | Love

Mar 14, 2023

Sometimes, even the best of us run out of luck and fall for people who play us. If for some reason, you think you are being played, then it is likely it is true. But gut feelings without some logical proof are almost never enough reason to leave a relationship. Here is how you draw logical conclusions and how to tell a guy is playing you.

1. He Lies

If you have caught him in a lie more than three times, you should accept the possibility that you are being played. 

Guys who play women are known to be chronic liars. They lie about almost everything, and compulsively so. 

Nene told us: “He kept lying. Sometimes I wondered if it was really necessary to lie. I wondered if I was mean to him or scared him to the point where telling the truth was impossible. But it was none of those. He lied to me because he was a player, playing me.” 

Watch out for when next he lies to you and how he acts after you have caught him in the lie.

2. He Gaslights

Since guys who want to, or are playing you, lie so much, they tend to, over the years, develop such a strong ability to gaslight. 

They are so good at it that they can make you doubt your own eyes. 

Nene also told us about how her partner gaslighted her. “He would make me doubt myself.” She said. “Sometimes, I was even drawn to thinking I had gone nuts. One time I saw him with another woman in a mall, and he managed to convince me that I had seen someone else. But I knew it was him. I knew what I had seen.” 

If you are dealing with a gas-lighter, you should accept that you are also dealing with a player. 

Read: 20 Ways To Differentiate A Genuine Guy From A Player

3. He has Cheated Before

This is not to suggest that guys who have cheated on you before will remain and keep on playing you. There is a chance that they might change for the better and start to love you the way you should be loved. 

But I would not bank on this chance if I were you. 

If, in addition to the two signs above, he has cheated on you in the past, it is best, really, to assume he is playing you. 

There is really no room to gamble on your feelings like that. 

4. He Disappears Too Often

Dating a guy who is out to play you is something like dating a ghost. 

He is going to bail on you more times than you can count. 

This is because he has so much to catch up with outside you. It is, therefore, hard for him to keep up, and so he disappears. 

Kimberly, sharing her own experience with someone playing her, told us: “He always disappeared. I couldn’t tell why until it dawned on me that I was dealing with a player. If he is in the habit of bailing on you for some reason, then he is most likely playing you.” 

We agree with Kimberly!

5. There are Too Many Women in His Life

This does not imply that guys should not have female friends. Instead, it implies that guys who are in relationships ought to establish boundaries with female friends. 

This often means reducing the number of friends. 

If he has too many female friends with whom he has established too few boundaries, there is a big chance he may be sleeping with one or two of them. 

A man who does not establish boundaries is a big red flag and should be avoided. 

Read: 10 ways to tell if He is Genuine or just a Player

6. He Replies too Late

Even when they don’t disappear completely, guys who are out to play you will be very unavailable. This means they will be there but not there. 

You both could have been texting for a couple of minutes, and then all of a sudden, boom, he disappears. 

He no longer replies to your messages at a pace that makes you comfortable. And when you confront him about this, he denies it. 

This happens because he struggles to share his attention with the many other women he is playing.

Guys who are players seldom play only one woman. They play multiple women all at once. 

7. He Shows too Little or Too Much Jealousy

Guys who play women come in one of two categories: the players who are possessive and the ones who are not. 

If you are dealing with a possessive player, be sure that he is going to show a lot of jealousy. He may even be controlling. Many women mistake this jealousy to be love and loyalty, but you, one who reads our blog, should know better. 

It is only a means to virtue signal. He is also being so possessive because he is afraid you may be playing him too. 

If you are dealing with a non-possessive player, you will be bereft of all the necessary jealousy needed to sustain a relationship

Read: 10 Things A Man Will Do Only If He Really Loves You

8. He Flakes on You Last Minute

Players are master flakers. One thing makes their flakes most disturbing: how sudden these flakes are. 

One minute he could be telling you that he is getting dressed, and the next, he tells you that he can no longer show up. 

You should ask yourself this: why did it have to happen so suddenly? I will tell you why: he is playing you!

9. He is Sneaky About a Lot of Stuff

You almost never know where he has been or who he has been talking to. 

He sneaks into the bathroom all the time to answer calls or respond to texts.

He goes out to see the ‘boys’ but comes home scenting of someone else’s perfume. 

It is likely you are being played, sis. 

10. He is always Asking for Favors

A guy playing you will always want something—some money, some advice, some time, etc. Simply put, he is going to want to be helped. 

Check out this article to learn signs that he is only in your life because he wants to be helped


Players are sleek at their games. You have to be sleeker to sniff them out. Take a step back and truly observe. What raises your defenses? 

By QuietYearning Editors

The QuietYearning Team covers everything from relationships to lifestyle to parenting and more. Its team of experts provides in-depth analysis that helps you understand complex topics on relationships.

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