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How to Stop Repeating the Same Relationship Mistakes

by | Love

Feb 25, 2024

Relationships can be a handful. Leaving a string of failed relationships behind might have you doubting yourself and bring you into self hate. One spot you should not be found in. You may find yourself asking questions like “What did I do wrong?”, “What do they have that I don’t?” “I must be the problem”. While we cannot say the answers to these problems are in the affirmative, they might not be totally wrong. 

In this article, we help you stop making the same mistakes in your relationships. 

1. Heal from past trauma before getting into a new relationship

It is imperative to take a hiatus from the romantic scene after a failed relationship. Being the social beings that we are, we constantly feel the need to not keep that space that only a romantic partner can fill empty. A coping mechanism, this dependency, pushes us to jump into new relationships as soon as the previous one fails. 

At the expense of another person’s sanity, we use them as a crutch, eventually making them work tooth and claw to heal sores they did not open. 

We might find ourselves comparing them to our past loves, giving them quotas that may be above their capabilities.

It is totally unfair to punish people for crimes they did not commit. Entering a relationship with emotional baggage is sure to end it before it starts. For this reason, it is necessary to hold off getting into a new relationship until you are mentally and emotionally safe to be with someone. Therapy could work. 

2. Study your attachment styles

Although attachment styles can be formed due to experiences in childhood, it is of utmost importance that they are fixed. Bad attachment styles can end your relationships at the speed of lightning. They can also plant seeds of insecurity in your heart, constantly giving you anxiety and making you feel as though your partner is going to leave. 

No one wants to be with someone who has crazy attachment styles. For instance, there is a thin line between being positively obsessed and attracted to your partner and being a creep. Choking your partner with attention makes spending time with you more of a chore than something that they should enjoy. And like an unruly teenager would, they would rebel and begin to detach more and more from you. 

Studying and understanding your attachment styles can help you foretell your reaction to certain situations, making you handle them better. 

If you have an avoidant attachment style, for instance, and are one of those people who paint the worst-case scenarios in their heads, self-sabotage, and wreck their relationships for fear of the unknown, having this knowledge can help you think more positively thoughts than negative ones. It could help you give people the benefit of the doubt in cases where you could outrightly judge them. 

3. Don’t make any other relationship the standard yours should follow

Always remember that your relationship should not be the carbon copy of another person’s relationship or a past relationship. This is one pitfall people always fall into. 

It is totally normal to look at someone else’s blossoming relationship and want something like that or remember the good times you had with an ex that didn’t work out and want that to continue. However, realize that your entrance into a relationship is a fresh start, and it should be treated as such. It should be an opportunity to build new bonds and create new memories. 

Comparing your new relationship to a past one or to that of another person would only make your partner want to be as far away from you as possible. I would leave, too. If you like other people so much, go on and be with them. 

The most you can do is build your new relationship into what you want it to be. Make rules, create boundaries. Basically, build it from the ground up, and it will become everything you want it to be. 

4. Be honest from the start

The need for honesty cannot be overemphasized. If there is anything worth telling, tell them from the start. It is much safer for your partner to find out those bitter truths from you instead of someone else. Telling them the necessary truths about yourself is your way of telling them, “This is me in all my entirety. Take it or leave it”. 

A relationship that lacks trust is headed for the rocks. And while you start out clean, continue with that energy. Keep no secrets, no matter how difficult it may seem; do not tell lies. Knowing how irresistible being sneaky can be, remind yourself that your decisions do not affect you alone. Before taking any, ask yourself how that decision would affect your partner if they knew. Your answer should determine whether or not you should go on with it. 

5. Be faithful

If you are in a monogamous relationship, be faithful. When we talk about being faithful in relationships, people tend to think cheating only involves being sexually participatory with other people.

Unless your partner is cool with some stuff, entertaining people you know want to be sexually involved with you, being emotionally available, and flirting with someone other than your partner counts as cheating. And to top that list comes sex with other people. 

Cheating not only emotionally damages your partner and makes them lose all respect/trust for you, but it also exposes them to physical risks. The beauty of monogamous relationship sex is in their safety. In that environment, everyone is safe from an STI. You can never tell how many sexual partners the outsiders have and what sexually transmitted infections they have, thereby exposing your innocent partner to life-altering harm. 

People have succeeded in their relationships. You can do so too. Just do it right. 

By QuietYearning Editors

The QuietYearning Team covers everything from relationships to lifestyle to parenting and more. Its team of experts provides in-depth analysis that helps you understand complex topics on relationships.

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