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How to Fix a Sexless Marriage

by | Love

Mar 8, 2024

Sexless marriages are a thing. And they are more common than we realize. In this article, I will be doing an in-depth assessment of how to fix a sexless marriage, restoring it to that place where you both yearn for and enjoy sex.

1. Understand that it happens

The blame game has never fixed anything. In fact, most of the time, the blame game makes things worse. Makes things so difficult to find solutions for. 

Don’t blame yourself or your partner. Don’t even blame the difficulties. Understand that the problem is not peculiar to you or to your partner. 

It is something that happens quite a lot. It does not suggest that your relationship is going to meet its end. 

Quite the opposite, it may suggest that your relationship is about to scale past a difficulty that other relationships fail at.  

Don’t complain. Don’t. 

2. Don’t talk to your friends about it

This is one of the mistakes a lot of men make. And trust me, it is a quite costly one. You don’t have to talk to your friends about the difficulties you are experiencing in your relationship. 

Talking about your marriage has come to be sexless is not going to do anything good. It is, instead, going to infect your mind.

First, it is going to compound the problem. Making you make a thousand mountains out of very small molehills. 

Second, it is going to make you enter the trap of comparing your partner to someone else. 

When your friends begin to tell you how full of sex their relationships are, you will begin to think: “Wow, I wish my relationship was that way.”

Read: The 10 Top Reasons Couples Lose the Spark

3. Don’t deny

This is another issue men tend to have. They enter into denial, trying all they can to convince themselves that their relationship is not suffering. 

They do this as a means to preserve their egos. 

Men have a large ego, you see. And that ego is based on how heroic they are to their woman. 

When a man begins to experience some sexual drought in his marriage, he immediately concludes that this is happening because his woman no longer idolizes him. 

This makes him feel bad. And so he buffers the feeling by denying it. He turns his mind away from the problem, concluding that there is none. 

But there is a problem. And it can lead to the end of the relationship no matter how the man tries to deny it. 

4. Why is it happening?

If you’re trying to fix a sexless marriage, you are going to have to honestly answer the question: “Why is it happening?”

It is one of the hardest questions to answer, and often, couples may have to seek the expertise of a sex therapist or a marriage counselor. 

They will guide you through the journey of restoring the sexual side of your relationship. 

Here are some reasons why the lack of sex may be happening:

There is Underlying Resentment

If there is underlying resentment in any relationship, then you can be sure that sex is going to suffer. Fortunately, resentment is quite easy to fix. You just have to come to that place where you can be both humble and open with your partner. You should come to that place!

Talk about any problems you both have had recently or in the near past. Talk about the times when you sought apologies but did not get any. 

In all, find your differences and fix them. It helps. As the resentment starts to fade away, you will find that the attraction returns, and it becomes easier for you to want sex. 

Your Partner Feels Neglected

If your partner feels neglected, you can be sure they will not want to have sex with you as often as you would want. This is something I respond to a lot in my emails. If your partner feels neglected, it could be that they want you more, but you don’t happen to be available for them. The best you can do is create time for your partner every now and then. 

Sex is Boring

We recently put up an article about how a relationship can become sexually boring and how to fix it. You can take a look at that article here. It will go a long way in helping you fix your relationship. 

Read: Signs the Spark in Your Relationship Has Gone

5. Break the touch barrier often

When a relationship is on its path to becoming sexless, what happens is that the touch barrier becomes a lot thicker.

Couples find that they don’t touch each other so often.  

The best thing to do is thin this barrier to the point where it becomes non-existent. 

You should really enjoy it when you touch your partner. You should. 

6. Become more attractive

Increase your attractiveness. Become that someone your woman looks at and completely lusts over. 

This goes both ways. 

You can also become more attractive by becoming less available. Unavailability creates attraction!

7. Get rid of your performance anxiety

It may be that the relationship is sexless because you are avoiding sex. I have seen this a lot of times as well. 

One of the things that drives one to avoid sex is bad performance anxiety. 

You can become more welcome to sex when you start to deal with that anxiety. The best way to do it is to not think about sex too much. 

Start to see sex as something that is meant to be enjoyed. 

8. Add spice

Add spice to your sex, and your sex life is going to bloom again in that marriage. Boring sex is tedious. No one wants to be there doing it. So. The best thing you have got to do is find ways to spice things up. 

Read: 5 Ways To Spice Up Action In Your Bedroom

9. Give it time

Yes, it is not going to fix itself at once. It may take some time. You should be patient. 

Sexless relationships are a thing. You can fix it!

By QuietYearning Editors

The QuietYearning Team covers everything from relationships to lifestyle to parenting and more. Its team of experts provides in-depth analysis that helps you understand complex topics on relationships.

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