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How to Deal with Stonewalling

by | Love

May 7, 2024

One of the main effects of stonewalling and silent treatment is confusion. Partners who experience stonewalling seem to be very confused and don’t know their next move. This is why we have put up the article. We will be showing you how to deal with stonewalling in the most practical ways. Our methods have been seen to have helped a number of people and are likely to help you. 

1. Find out why your partner is being that way

Although it’s quite easy to take the blame when you’re being stoned, walled, or given the silent treatment, you’re not really at fault here. 

It’s not your fault that your partner doesn’t want to talk when they are supposed to. It is completely your partner’s fault. 

You can help them by figuring out what exactly makes them zone out on you or makes them more willing to speak about your feelings. 

Many times, it’s going to be a problem that takes root in their childhood. 

They probably had a parent who was unnecessarily mean and loud to them. 

This is one reason I see quite commonly. If a child had parents who used to yell at the child at every mistake or little inconvenience, overtime, it’s possible that the child would develop a defense mechanism against that outbursts. The child may zone out mentally, and this will present as a stonewalling treatment.

Ask your partner if their parents used to yell at them a lot or if they found they needed to lie about stuff or get sneaky, especially when there was also someone older around. 

If the answer is yes, then you know why your partner may be stonewalling you or giving you the silent treatment

At this point all you have to do is take advantage of this knowledge and effect some changes in your approach that makes your partner more open and more willing to communicate with you. 

If your partner is not willing to talk about their childhood or willing to bring up memories that may be very hurtful, then it may be wise of you to suggest that your partner goes for therapy. 

Although many partners may take this in a very bad way, your suggesting that your partner goes for therapy is not a bad thing. 

You should not push them into therapy. It should just be a suggestion that they can decide to either accept or reject.  

2. Change your approach to conflict resolution

Changing the approach to conflict resolution is going to go a long way in helping preserve your relationship. 

In relationships, it’s important that you know that you don’t do what is on your mind all the time. You do what works. 

You should only do it and continue to do it if your partner responds to a certain action. 

If your partner is not responding to you yelling and screaming at him or her, then you should change the approach and take a rather subtle and gentle approach.

Don’t yell at them for any reason. Don’t take on the role of being their parent. Your partner is not your child. This is one thing a lot of men and a lot of women fail to understand.  

The relationship you had with your parents is not a relationship you have with your partner; your partner is not your child. 

Don’t treat them like a child. They are full-blown adults who have the right to make choices and have the right to take on the consequences and responsibilities of their choices. 

Read: Signs You Are in a Toxic Friendship (And How to Deal with it)

3. Talk to your partner about how their actions affect you

It is important that you find ways to talk about how your partner’s actions affect you. 

And it’s going to be hard, especially now when there is the fear of being given the silent treatment. Talking about your pain and your resentment with your partner is going to go a very long way to help.

Just speak to them somehow. It can be a long text on WhatsApp. It could be a long iMessage. It could be a letter or just a verbal way of speaking, but make sure the point is driven across so that your partner knows that you feel pain and that you feel a certain way when conflicts arise in the relationship.

4. Don’t always be the fixer

This might be very difficult to do, especially with people like you who are very expressive and don’t want conflict to last a long time, but you don’t have to be the fixer every time. 

Sometimes, you just have to let the conflict run its course. 

This is because there are some conflicts that just have to have their way. They don’t have to be fixed overnight or fixed immediately. 

You have to allow your partner room to go through their own emotions and experience all the phases of their grief or pain. 

This is how you deal with this stonewalling treatment. Overtime, as you come to understand the depth of human conflicts and interactions, you see that you really don’t have to force anything. 

Anything that should happen will happen at the time it should happen. 

Read: Signs the No-Contact Rule is Working

5. Consider leaving

We are a relationship and love blog that prioritizes the health of our readers. 

We know that there’s only one healthy thing to do when you’ve tried every other thing and nothing seems to be working. This is to consider leaving the relationship.

The chances of the relationship getting better are quite slim. 

This is because stonewalling has changed you in ways you may not be able to fully grasp until you’re out of the relationship.

You may not know the extent of the damage until you’re out of that relationship and in a better state of mental health. Then you can truly look at what you had experienced, what you had felt, and tell yourself the absolute truth that you were really damaged. 

We know that leaving is never an easy thing to do. But you may want to consider leaving the relationship. 

Talk to someone about your decision. Send us an email. One of our relationship experts will be glad to respond to you.

6. Seek support

Couples therapy can be an effective way to get additional support if you’re experiencing communication challenges in your relationship. A trained therapist may be able to teach you coping strategies and provide a space where you can express and process your feelings.

Couples therapy can offer valuable support if you face stonewalling issues in your relationship. A skilled therapist can teach you coping techniques and provide a safe space to express and explore your emotions.

By Martin Corden

Martin Corden is a certified relationship expert and a songwriter from Australia. He loves researching and writing. Martin loves finding new ways to improve and inspires others to be their best version and work together towards it. Martin has a wide range of intellectual and artistic interests.

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