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How to Break the Touch Barrier

by | Love

Jun 10, 2024

The touch barrier is often a taut and very difficult boundary to push back if you don’t know how to push it back. If you do, however, it becomes pretty easy to break. In this article, we show guys how to break the touch barrier with a woman they have just met. 

1. Don’t rush the interaction

My guess is that you are currently in the interaction phase of your relationship with this person. This is why the touch barrier still exists as a taut fence. This is fine. You’re going to push that barrier back as long as you don’t rush the interaction. 

Allow it run its course. Good interactions are often timed. They last as long as both parties want it to. It is usually just a thing of responding to where your efforts produce results.

Check out our article about how to make it past the interaction phase. We offered a lot of tips that you will considerhelpful there. 

2. Build trust

The touch barrier is broken by men who can inspire trust

When asked, many women in our survey agreed that they only want to be touched by men who can inspire feelings of trust and safety. 

Elena says: “If a guy can make me see that he isn’t someone not to trust, if I can just convince myself even a little that I can trust him, I would usually not mind him breaking the touch barrier with me.”

Building trust is easy with a woman. 

You just have to do all of these five things:

Don’t creep her out

Seriously, don’t do it. You lose all your chances with a woman when you creep her out. Don’t act weird or say weird stuff around her. I can bet you she is not going to find it funny when she is scared that you may pose a danger to her mind or body. She will, in fact, not want to be anywhere around you. 

Women describe body contact with men who creep them out as being terribly uncomfortable. The easiest way to creep a woman out is to sexualize her too early in the interaction. It never works, really. 

Be confident

It is easy to feel safe around confident people because one just assumes they have nothing to hide. Think of all the times you got pulled over and checked at the airport. You will agree that you must have felt and acted anxious. Airport security workers are trained to look out for people who are anxious and fidgety. They are immediately labeled as suspicious and unsafe. This is how women will see you when you are unduly fidgety and scared. Be confident. Show her it is completely safe to be around you. 

Show some vulnerability

When you have to interact with her, you have to show her that you are human. No, you don’t do that by looking for the staircase in a box of photos. You do that by showing her that you can feel. That you have emotions, and have felt a wide array of them. Tell her about your most treasured memories. Tell her about that one time when you were a kid and received a gift from your favorite aunt. 

Showing some vulnerability works to build trust by casting a mirror image in the mind of the person you’re talking to. As they continue to see themselves in you, they come to trust you more. In her mind, she would go: “Wow, he keeps telling me these things; I think I can really trust him.”


Sounds a little too easy. But it is a fact that listening can foster feelings of trust. You don’t have to make the mistake of being the speaker all the time. Somtimes, just listen. Women want a man who can listen to them. I trust you that as you continue to listen to her and she continues to trust you deeper and deeper, she may even be the one to break the touch barrier herself. 

But if she doesn’t, you are allowed to attempt to break the touch barrier in moments of high vulnerability. You are allowed to hold her hands. Let’s say she is telling you about a painful memory; hold her hands, squeezing them softly. 

Read: Steps To Developing Effective Listening Skills

Be yourself

Don’t try to be someone you are not. It may work now, but I assure you that it will backfire and you will not like it when it does. Too many men have gained the trust of a woman, broken the touch barrier, and entered into relationships with these women. Only to be broken up with because these women suddenly realized that the man had been lying about his personality and, likely, other things about himself. 

Be yourself. Be confident, but be you. 

3. Flirt

You cannot take away the role of flirting in breaking the touch barrier. Flirting should be able to create some kind oflonging in the woman’s mind. That is and has always been the role of flirting: to create a longing. 

If she longs for you, she is going to make it easy to break the touch barrier. Women make things easy for men whom they want to be with. 

If she is making flirting easy for you, it is because she wants to be around you. 

Remember to flirt in the direction of best interest and response. If she allows you to flirt in a particular direction, continue to flirt in that direction. Don’t be too scared to try. Be daring enough to flirt. Women like that. 

Read: How to Flirt with Compliments

4. Start small

You don’t just break the touch barrier like that. You start small. With regular things like hugs. Start by making your hugs a little longer. Make it a little obvious to her that you are doing this.

You can say: “Hugs with you are so amazing. Come around and hug me again, please.”

You can also hold her hands when you walk with her in the street. 

5. Go as far as she lets you

Explore the touch barrier and try to push it back. Go as far as she lets you. You’ll feel it in your gut when to try. 

Breaking the touch barrier is easier than you think. 

By Ubong

Ubong Johnson is a medic, writer, and editor whose writings explore the complexities of human interactions. He has been published on The Healing Muse, a journal by Upstate Medical University, Blood and Thunder, a journal from Oklahoma University Medical College, and other journals of humanities. Ubong lives in Lagos and is currently undergoing training as a behavioral psychologist.

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