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How often should you text a girl: 8 rules to texting

by | Love, Meeting People, Moving On

Jan 21, 2024

Texting is one of the ways to build attraction. Yet, quite ironically, it is one of the most potent weapons against attraction. Over-text a woman, and you are sure to lose her before you even get the chance to see her again. These 8 rules of texting will help you know how often you are to text a woman.

1. Do not double-text 

Whatever happens, this is a rule you do not break. DO NOT DOUBLE-TEXT her. If you do, it means you had long been over-texting her. She went mute on you because you had begun to bore her.

Trust me, a boring man is one women do not like to be around. If given the option to choose between a jerk who leaves their messages on read, and a guy who responds to every text and swiftly so, trust me, most women are going to go after the jerk. 

It is quite obvious why. The guy who spends the bulk of his time double-texting women does not value his time. And essentially, he does not value himself. 

The woman sits back and goes: “Why does he keep double-texting me? Is my attention that important to him?”

You should know that the one who seeks attention the most is the one who is in the feminine role. It is the woman who ought to be in this role, certainly not you. 

Pick your frame back up, and decide you will no longer double-text her.

2. As often as you have got the time for leisure

Texting her should not be something you do as a full-time job. If it takes away your productive hours, then you are texting her too often. 

She should be able to tell that you are busy from time to time: if she cannot, then she is going to like you less and less. 

Women will often pick the man who prioritizes his work and success more than he prioritizes them. 

Say you are texting her around the same period as some guy who is almost always: “busy’. This guy is going to stand a much better chance than you. 

She is going to be on her mind longer—you might not even be on her mind to start with!

That is how sad it is going to be. Make yourself a priority when you text her, and she will get the memo. 

3. Don’t text every day two weeks into the talking stage

In the early moments of the talking stage, texting her too often is fairly acceptable. 

This is because the talking stage, in itself, houses a lot of interest: you get interested in her, and she gets interested in you. 

But the talking stage can become very boring as it progresses—so boring that even texting begins to lose its flavor. 

It is at this moment that you may want to pull away. Stop texting every day—even that, though hard to admit, is too much. Too often. 

Reduce it to, at most, three sessions of texting every week. 

Read: 10 proven ways to flirt with a girl

4. Texting should never take the place of a date

Many potential relationships fail, with one or both parties losing interest, because they allow texting to take the place of a regular date. 

You should know that you are texting her too often when you no longer feel that urge to see her, to spend time together talking over food and drinks, or anything that gives you both those butterflies. 

A date is a date and cannot be replaced. 

You should only use texting to set up dates. Text her a lot more around the time when you want to see her. Build attraction that period, and ask to meet. That is how texting works.

5. Text as often as you have good news

This is one of the things that makes women go wet for a guy. She does not want you to text her when you are bored or when you are in a ‘fix’. She wants to feel like the tank into which you pour all your good news.

When you text her with your good news, do it very casually. 

You can say: “Hey, I just needed you to know that I got a new job. I cannot imagine how good you will feel about this.” 

Notice how that sounds? 

It does not sound at all desperate. Instead, it sounds as though she is an addition to your life that makes things run smoothly. She wants to feel that way.

6. Text as often as she is willing to double text

If she has never double-texted you before, I am sorry to say that you are doing quite poorly. 

A woman with whom you have established a balance of attraction is going to be very interested in double-texting you. 

The one thing that keeps women from double texting a man is ego. And you know the interesting thing about ego? 

Ego disappears the moment attraction skies up. 

If she still keeps herself from double-texting you, then it means her ego is still up there. Don’t text her much until this ego drops. Make her miss you—let your absence from her chatboxes raise your value.

7. Text as often as she is willing to keep the conversation going

Nice guys are masters at keeping conversations that should be dead alive. 

As soon you sense that she is losing her feel for the conversation, you should let it all go and hit her with a very cute goodnight.

‘Hi, babe, I am quite tired right now. I will text you in the morning.’

Don’t text her. Let her text you first. 

8. What does your gut tell you?

It is important to pay attention to what your gut tells you as you play around attraction. Quite ironically, your subconscious understands the game of attraction better than you ever will. 

Pay attention to it, and you will know just what to do.

If you feel as though you are texting her too much, then you are.

By Ubong

Ubong Johnson is a medic, writer, and editor whose writings explore the complexities of human interactions. He has been published on The Healing Muse, a journal by Upstate Medical University, Blood and Thunder, a journal from Oklahoma University Medical College, and other journals of humanities. Ubong lives in Lagos and is currently undergoing training as a behavioral psychologist.

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