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Female Orgasms: Reasons You Don’t Have Them (and What to Do)

by | Sensual Intimacy

Apr 6, 2024

A lot of women struggle with achieving orgasms. My guess is that it is a struggle you find yourself in as well. We’ve put up this article to help you. We start by showing you five reasons why you don’t have female orgasms, and then we show you how you can overcome them.

Why you don’t have female orgasms

1. Negative experiences from the past

A lot of trauma shows up in our sex lives. Sometimes, even things totally unrelated to sex can traumatize a person sexually—like a bad break up. Or being told your body doesn’t look good. Or being told sex is not supposed to be that good. 

Moralism can also traumatize a person sexually. So that when the moralistic individual begins to have sex, they feel guilty for wanting to enjoy it. 

Think of all your negative experiences or thoughts and beliefs that may be contributing to your inability to attain female orgasms. 

Write these down in a book. 

2. Poor and ineffective stimulation

You have to be stimulated right! 

Sexual stimulation is a thing and should be given a good amount of attention. 

If you are not being stimulated right, you are sure to have some problems reaching orgasm. 

Our sex organs are both physically and psycho-hormonal driven. This means it is not enough to want sex. It is not enough to have in mind to achieve an orgasm. Your genitals have to be touched as well. 

Four out of ten times, when a woman cannot reach orgasm, it is due to sub-optimal stimulation. 

3. Pain/medical conditions

Yes. Some medical conditions can greatly impact a woman’s sex life. Most women who cannot achieve orgasms suffer from a condition that makes sex considerably painful. 

But sex is not supposed to be painful. 

In the absence of a medical condition, pain during sex can come from a penis that is too large or a problem with your vagina’s ability to lubricate itself. 

Do you feel too full when you have sex? Like you are being torn from the inside out? Then it is likely your partner has a penis too big for you. 

As for a lack of lubrication, you can always get a lubricant. 

Read this article to find out the best oils that can be used as lubricants

4. No sexual desire

Sexual desire burns bright in most relationships. But sadly, it is quick to absolve. And when most sexual desire is gone, most couples will struggle with satisfying each other. 

Signs that sexual desire is gone include:

Sex begins to feel like a chore: This is such a big sign that there is no longer sexual desire in your relationship. When sex becomes like a chore, you will no longer see the need to try. You will even feel like an orgasm is an impossibility. 

Sex loses its flavor: Many couples will describe this by saying: “Something changed. I don’t know what it is but something definitely changed in our sex lives. 

5. Unsolved relationship issues

Your unsolved relationship issues can be stopping you from enjoying sex to the point where you bump into an orgasm. 

Unsolved relationship issues will breed resentment. Resentment is one of the worst things that can happen in a relationship. 

Resentment means nothing will be enjoyed. It will not only affect sex. It is sure to affect everything else. You may even want to avoid sex altogether. 

What to do to achieve them

1. Run medical checks

One of the best ways to go around a complete lack of orgasm in your relationship is to run medical checks. 

This is especially true if you feel pain when you go down with your partner. Talk to your gynecologist, and they will find ways to help you deal with whatever is causing your pain. 

It helps to be honest with your doctor. Open up to them about everything. And when they give you a solution, be it medication or therapy, take what they say very seriously. Sooner or later, you will find that orgasms become easier to get and last even longer. 

Read: How to Achieve Full Body Orgasms

2. Arousal first

If you are in a habit of rushing into sex, you have to let that go. Sex is not something that a person should rush. Sex is to be enjoyed. And it should be enjoyed good. 

So, take your time and play the game of arousal. Your partner should be of great help to you. 

Arousal usually starts in the mind. So, say or watch things that can put you in the mood to have sex

You can play a sex game. There are countless out there. These games can ease your sexual anxiety and help you stay aroused for longer. 

The rule of thumb is: you are not aroused enough if there is still room for you to worry. 

3. Be in the moment

You have to learn to be in the moment to truly enjoy everything life brings your way. This includes even sex. 

Stop throwing your mind this way and that way. Bring yourself into the room. Bring yourself into the moment and enjoy yourself.  

Look into your partner’s eyes. Talk to them. Don’t just imagine the most slutty thing to do. Do it. 

Most people’s sex lives only exist in their heads. Yours should not. 

4. Try sex therapy

Sex therapy can help you let go of everything that is stopping you from achieving orgasms. Whilst clinicians and doctors help you take off physical barriers, sex therapists will help you take away any mental barriers. 

Look for a sex therapist that you can truly trust. Get their services. It’ll be a renewing experience. 

5. Break any porn addiction

Porn Addiction can mess with your ability to achieve an orgasm. 

You should let go of it if you are having problems sexually that now affect the overall state of your relationship. 

Speak to your partner if things are getting more difficult than you can handle. 

It gets better to achieve orgasms.

By Emilie Schleif

Emilie Schleif is a Lifestyle Writer at Whatsdalatest, where she covers all things relationships and wellness—born and raised in La Canada Flintridge. She currently lives in Hamburg and loves running, hiking, and walking with her dog, Jasper.

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