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How To Build Up Tension Before Sex

by | Sensual Intimacy

Feb 9, 2023

Good sex is going to hold a lot of tension. This tension begins to show up even before the sex starts! In this article, learn how you can build lasting tension before sex even starts.

1. Have a Conversation

Good sex should not be boring. It should be something you long to keep having. One way to make that happen is to strike up a conversation before getting down.

Of course, not a conversation about NASA or the 7 wonders of the world. Just strike up a conversation that makes you both get really horny. 

You can talk about the best sex you two have ever had or even talk about what you want to do to him or her at the moment. 

“I cannot wait to…” 

Make it personal. Make it a conversation that both of you enjoy. 

2. Play a Sex Game

Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, conversations just before sex may feel out of place, especially if they are becoming monotonous. 

In such a scenario, your best bet for building up tension before sex is to play a sex game. 

There are several sex games out there you can try out. But some of the ones I recommend are: 

Truth or dare: truth or dare is quite common. The two players choose between daring their partners or asking them to say only the truth when a very sexual question is asked.

Sexopoly: this is like monopoly but a very sensual and erotic kind. It builds up the tension so much that you will definitely want more of your partner in just a few minutes.

What do You Love? In this game, you ask your partner their most loved fantasies and spend some time talking about what that experience will feel like. 

Related: 10 Best Romantic Games for Couples

3. Good Lighting Matters

If you want to build the kind of sexual tension that makes bodies jerk when sex is going on, you should understand that good lighting matters. 

You do not need bright lighting. In fact, light up your room in any color you want other than white. I have found that blue and red lighting can make the room feel tenser. 

If you are not a fan of electric lighting, you can stick to using scented candles. Scented candles do the job best! 

4. Watch an Erotic Movie

That is what erotic movies are meant for: building up tension. This is why sex feels a lot better during Netflix and chill. 

First, the movie relaxes you both. Imagine being snuggled up in a comfortable cuddle position with your partner, seeing an erotic movie. At first, you are going to be relaxed, and then you will be turned on. 

Choose a movie that is not so erotic—one that has a storyline you can enjoy but also a lot of sex or romance scenes. 

Related: 10 Netflix Movies For Couples To Watch Together

5. Read an Erotic Book

Erotic books are another way to build the tension needed before sex. It puts the imaginative part of your mind to work.

Books are a way to relax, first off. But then, erotic books make relaxation a lot more interesting. Holding a romance novel by Mills & Boons or Nora Roberts and reading with your partner would cause both of you to be eager to reproduce the sexual scene etched between the pages.

You will agree with me that a little bit of imaginative romance is a surefire way of building tension before sex.

6. French Kisses

Ah! This is it. For good sex to happen, never, I mean never, underestimate the power of kissing. Especially a french kiss done right.

Even when not in the mood for sex, if you’re held by your partner and given a French kiss, tension sets in, and the mood for sex builds.

One good French kiss is all it takes for the knees to weaken.

7. Take Off Each Other’s Clothes

You’d wonder how taking the clothes off your partner’s back build tension before sex. Some months ago, I thought the same too, but this isn’t about me.

There is an art to taking clothes off in building sexual tension. It’s not just the regular clothes pulling. No, it’s more. When she says to help her unzip her gown, it’s how lightly your fingers brush her skin and traces down her back alongside the zip. 

At that moment, your partner would be willing to get laid.

8. Have a Bath Together

A move as old as time. This is a scenario that is more for couples comfortable with each other.

You cannot just have a partner for a couple of weeks and expect her to jump into a bath with you. No. Having a bath together is a deeper, more personal way of building tension. 

From back scrubs to helping your partner wash between their toes – for those using bathtubs. Slow and steady, like water, the tension builds. Sometimes, it gets so intense you and your partner would end up having sex in the bathroom.

That’s a good thing, yes?

9. Oral Sex

Oral sex, when properly done, is such a huge yes when you are trying to build tension. Even though a lot of people think it is in itself sex, I think oral sex can stand on its own because it helps the sex feel a lot better. 

We have in the past put up a lot of articles to help you practice oral sex better. You should check our catalog and read the ones you love best.

Recommended Reads: 

How to Really Eat a Girl Out – An Oral Sex Hack

14 Blow Job Styles and Tips to Have a Guy Gasping for More

How to Give Good Head – 10 Blow Job Tips

10. Be Yourself

Sometimes, the best way to build tension is to be yourself. You do not need to think about it too much. Just build up tension your own way. 

We all have our own ways; what makes us feel turned on individually? There you go.

Bottom Line

Tension is such a big part of sex. When there is enough tension before sex, the sex feels a lot better. You should, therefore, patiently build tension before going right into sex. 

By QuietYearning Editors

The QuietYearning Team covers everything from relationships to lifestyle to parenting and more. Its team of experts provides in-depth analysis that helps you understand complex topics on relationships.

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