Emotionally abusive partners are notorious for gaslighting their spouses. In a typical abusive relationship, gaslighted partners are near-convinced that their experiences or perceptions are not real, even when they are. They end up doubting themselves so much that their self-esteem takes a hit. In this article, we show you 10 signs you are likely being gaslighted; it isn’t just in your head.
1. Your Response to Hurt is Always Vilified
A gaslighter almost always dismisses their victim’s feelings.
They make you believe your response to hurt is wrong. You are overreacting. It is not the way you see it. You could have handled it better. You make everything a big deal. On and on and on.
This usually produces an urge to shut off one’s feelings.
Say, you do not like something a gaslighter is doing. In the early stages of the abuse, you would respond vigorously against it. However, as things progress, you would find yourself becoming “fine” with it.
You aren’t “fine” in the true sense of the word. You just don’t want any issues, and so you would have learned to stay quiet.
2. They Deny Events Until The Last Minute
Gaslighters are in the habit of never letting a lie go. They’d hold on to their own version of events so tight that nothing can pry their minds open.
They only ever give up when there is undeniable proof.
A typical example is what happened with Bloom, a reader of ours, who caught her husband texting a mistress.
When she confronted him, he denied until the last minute.
He only accepted the truth when she showed him screenshots from his chat.
If you have dealt with something like this over and over in your relationship, then you may be dealing with gaslighting.
3. You Are Blamed When the Truth Comes Out
Having nowhere else to run to when the truth is finally out, gaslighters can only play the blame game. This is called scapegoat gaslighting.
They start to say words like: “I didn’t mean to do it. I did it because of something you did to me in 1978.”
That lack of accountability is at the core of a gaslighter’s agenda.
In healthy relationships, partners take responsibility for their actions. This offers room to fix things.
If you find yourself being blamed for everything bad, then you can rightly assume you are being gaslighted. Especially if you do not blame the other person for your own mistakes.
4. They Know Just The Right Thing to Say
Gaslighters are great with words. They know just what to say to ease tension and make you feel better.
The catch is: if you are being gaslighted, you might feel good when spoken to, but you’ll never feel satisfied.
There is going to be that small part of you that keeps screaming: “Something is not right.”
Yes, the explanations seem right. Yes, the facts add up considerably well. But there are some loopholes that suggest that something is not quite right.
Should you try to make an argument from these loopholes, you will be shut down again, your emotions vilified.
5. You Apologize Constantly, Even When You Don’t Feel Wrong
When one has been gaslighted for such a long time, one becomes more and more open to letting go of their reality and apologizing for something that didn’t happen.
They do this so that peace reigns. Of course, they can barely tell what is real and what is not anymore.
If you find yourself seeking peace in the relationship all the time at the expense of your own emotions and sanity, you are likely being gaslighted.
6. You Always Make Excuses For Them
Maria was married to Clark for about three years. She never felt at peace all these years. Whenever it seemed like she had gathered enough evidence to confront him about his cheating, he would find a way to wriggle himself out of it.
The more this happened, the more she began to make excuses for him. She knew she was losing her mind when she found nudes on his phone, and yet again, telling herself it could be AI.
When she spoke to us, she said: “I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was impossible to.”
Do you keep making excuses despite evidence? Then you are likely being gaslighted.
7. You Think Other People Don’t Want Your Relationship to Work
Every now and then, people who are being gaslighted might seek a second opinion. They might reach a friend or two and explain stuff to them.
Ironically, they barely ever listen to these friends.
“You just hate my partner,” they’d say. “You know my partner isn’t that bad.”
If you find yourself saying this a lot, there might be a possibility that you are being gaslighted.
Ask yourself this: will everyone hate a good partner? Usually not.
8. You Feel Isolated
Threatened that others might someday find out the truth about the abuse you are experiencing, a gaslighter might attempt to isolate you from your friends.
Suddenly, you see yourself having fewer friends. On and on until you no longer have any friends.
The ones who may be allowed to stay will prove unthreatening in the sense that they don’t tell you the truth and never really care what is being done.
9. There are Too Many Fake Remorse Cycles
When caught in a lie that leaves them no other option but to apologize, a gaslighter will apologize to you.
You may be tempted to believe they are truly remorseful. However, if you are actually being gaslighted, the cycle will repeat itself again. And this time, you may feel the need to give up and just accept defeat.
10. Your Gut Keeps Suggesting it to You
Our gut feelings rarely lie.
If you feel it without any reasonable doubt in your heart that you are being gaslighted, there is a big chance that ishappening.
So, what is your gut saying? What do you think about all that is happening?
Summary
Certain behaviors from both the gaslighter and the “gaslighted” can suggest that abuse is really taking place. Anunbalanced dynamic.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not replace professional help. If you feel unsafe or in danger, contact a trusted person or local support services immediately.
