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5 signs you’re coming on way too strong

by | Meeting People, Moving On

Feb 15, 2024

If I were to choose between trying too little and trying too hard, I would always choose trying too little. A lot of people miss potential partners because they come off too strong. You may be doing this without even knowing it. In this article, I will show you signs you are coming off too strong and scaring your potential mates away.

1. You feel it

One of the major signs that you are trying too hard and coming off too strong is a feeling that you may be overbearing. 

You see, our subconscious is such a great indicator. It can show us when we are going the wrong way. All we need to do is listen. 

Sit back for a moment and imagine the state of your relationship with that someone you like at the moment. 

Do things seem to be going smoothly, or do they feel like you are rushing things? 

If you do feel like things are going too fast, then it is best you pause and let things run smoothly the way they are supposed to. 

Please note that the feeling is not always right, especially if you are one who is given to overthinking things. 

2. You initiate all contact

Whether physical or virtual contact. If you find that all contact is coming from your end, it means something is wrong with the dynamic of that relationship. 

No matter who approached whom first, there should come a time when things stabilize when both of you begin to reach out to each other. 

If this stability does not happen, it could mean one of two things:

a. The other person is not interested

Yes. This is usually hard to accept. But many times, the things and people we want so much do not want us as much as we want them. The disequilibrium between your efforts and that of the person you like may just be from the fact that they do not like you as much as you like them. 

b. You are not giving them room to show their interest

It is likely you are not giving this person you like the room to show their interest. This is you coming off too strong. They will eventually leave you, and it’s going to happen soon if you don’t let go and let things run their course. 

Read: Why are Women so Sensitive?

3. You break too many boundaries

Boundaries are like fences put up to protect themselves. Every fence has a gate. Gates should be the path crossed, not the fences. 

If you find someone walking into your gate, you may not react immediately. You will sit and watch keenly since there is a possibility that this someone knows you. 

But if someone broke into or flew over your fence, your defenses will be immediately engaged. You will be all our to dispel the aggressor. 

When you break too many boundaries a person has set in place, you make yourself the aggressor. This means you are coming off too strong. 

For example, you should not break physical contact without first breaking emotional contact. A lot of guys miss out on this vital part of the seduction phase. 

There is an art to these things. In one of our articles, I will be showing you the art of breaking emotional contact. 

4. They Seem Uncomfortable Around You

One of the major signs that you are coming off too strong is that the object of your attraction is super uncomfortable around you. 

I know your question already: How do I tell they’re uncomfortable around me? Well, it is easy: 

a. Their body language

When someone is uncomfortable, their body language often sells them out. They may be smiling and trying to give you the illusion that they are not disturbed by being around you, but their body language will always tell what is really in their mind.

Few body language that tells that one is uncomfortable:

i.) They appear “tight”

Whenever you find that someone is tightening up, it just means they are very uncomfortable. 

If it’s a woman, she is going to tighten her legs. It is her body’s way of protecting her. 

If it is a man, you may find that he is clenching his phone or just holding onto something very tightly. 

ii.) They zone out

They zone out because they are not very invested in what you are saying. 

They are rather very invested in trying to leave. They are uncomfortable. And this is because you are coming off too strong. 

Read: 10 proven ways to flirt with a girl

b. They won’t share enclosed spaces with you

If they won’t share enclosed spaces with you, then it means you have ticked off their defenses. It means you have done something to make them suddenly realize that: “This guy may not be the best person to be around.”

You have come off too strong already, showing them that you don’t mind breaking the touch barrier too early on. 

They go: “If he can touch me when everyone is here, how much more when there is no one there?”

5. They tell you or act like you’re a bug

Depending on the kind of person you are with, they will try to communicate that you’re coming off too strong to you. 

The nice ones may not say it verbally. But you will know. You will know that they think you are coming off too strong. 

They will sneak it in as snide remarks. As a joke, a person tells you over the table when they are having drinks. 

The ones who are not so nice will often tell you to your face that you are being such a boundary breaker. 

They will say stuff like: “Can we take some time off? I think you are doing too much or trying too hard.”

The best thing to do at this point is to move away for a while. You don’t have to explain how you feel or how you will do better. 

You just have to move away. 


Coming off too strong is going to ruin your relationship faster than coming off too slow. 

By QuietYearning Editors

The QuietYearning Team covers everything from relationships to lifestyle to parenting and more. Its team of experts provides in-depth analysis that helps you understand complex topics on relationships.

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